Difficult partnership – which 5 things you can do now
Many people know how that is: your partner is annoying, you no longer want to see him or vice versa, he is avoiding you. No matter why – it is weakening. You want a happy relationship, but how? Neither of you is ready to talk, you have holed up in the trenches and you don’t want to show your sensitive side. Or you’re in an on-off relationship You turn in circles. Sometimes everything is great and you are in a whirl, then out of the blue nothing works any more The great times are addicting, but the difficult times totally dragging you down. You now know that something has to change. Otherwise you will go to the dogs.
How do you get out of the situation? It’s not that easy, otherwise you wouldn’t google for solutions either. Even if your friends say: “Why don’t you finally break up”, it doesn’t help you. Get active, otherwise everything stays the way it is.
5 ways to improve your relationship
- Family Constellations
- Relationship counseling or couple therapy
- Spiritual counseling for couples with Horary astrology
- Spiritual counseling for couples with tarot, lenormand and kipper cards
- Guidebooks about relationship topics
1. Family Constellations
Each of us is born into a family system that spans many generations. Each family system has unconscious rules and dynamics and as well unconscious contracts. With this method these unconscious rules, dynamics and contracts are unveiled and lose their binding effect so they can be changed. Has the grandmother been betrayed and you took over her jealousy? What is the reason for your situation? Are there any quick-tempered relatives that you or your partner have taken over from?
How does it work. You need all people involved in the system. In a constellation, all people involved are placed in a certain order. These are you, the partner, may also include other people: friends, relatives, children, grandparents. For all these people, you look for substitutes.
You position your substitutes in the room. It is important where the substitures are positioned. Is your partner positioned close to you? At whom is your partner looking? The substitutes feel the sitters’ emotions and can explain the situation for us. If X stands for your partner and they leave the system, there’s not much you can do about it.
You have to be emotionally prepared for family constellations. Like this issues will be solved It might of course also happen that the constellation changes something that you do not want. That does not mean, that this is negative for you.
Relationship counseling and couple therapy
This is a classic psychotherapeutic method. Whether jealousy, on-off relationships, annoying traits – in couple counseling, solutions for partnership conflicts are sought. Not only the annoying, „not closing the toothpaste tube“ is an issue here.
„Why do we keep clashing?“
„Why does my partner stubbornly insist on his opinion?”
„Why can’t he profess our relationship?“
„Why can’t we talk to each other anymore?“
„Should we better part?“
The therapist tries to get to the bottom of such problems or at least to find solutions for them. Of course you need to be open for this. It is not a magic trick.
Anyone who goes to couple therapy has probably tried several times to solve the relationship problems on their own. But that is not always possible. The relationship may already be in such a bad state that the relationship expert can only accompany the separation. The aim of counseling is to understand what each partner wants, to understand what makes them tick and to find out whether both goals in life are compatible. If nothing works, the therapist can guide you through the separation process.
3. Spiritual counseling for couples with Horary astrology
A Horary chart tells you, how he feels for you. Whether he is with heart and brain with you or whether it is basically about the sexual kick – ideal for on-off relationships. Horary astrology doesn’t just tell you how your relationship is at the moment. Horary Astrology also tells you how to proceed. This is an important point. The basis for this form of help is your question:
„How do we relate to one another?“
„Is the relationship getting better?”
„Why is my partner ignoring me?“
„Is he or she still interested in me?“
„What can I do to make it better?”
For an analysis you need such a clear question. For example, you ask a Horary Astrologer “How are we going to go on?”, “Is he interested in me”. Most classical astrologers are not familiar with the specific rules of Horary Astrology. Even though it is an exciting and pragmatic method that gives precise answers.
The Horary Astrologer provides a horoscope for the moment of the question. The horoscope then tells you how things will continue and what you can do. The birth time of you and your partner are not necessary. That is a big plus. Sounds incredible, but it’s very helpful. For example, you can find out whether other people are influencing the relationship, whether the problems will soon subside.
And the good thing is, all you need for a counselation is a phone or a computer with Skype or Zoom or you can even go for an email inquiry. It is not a big effort and provides good impetus. With an expert you can work out your options.
4. Spiritual counseling for couples with tarot, lenormand and kipper cards
In a partnership reading, thoughts, emotions and behaviour of the partners are viewed separately. You would be amazed to see how little the emotions and the behaviour go together.
With a Lenormand partnership reading, you will learn how he feels about the relationship. If he thinks it is over, does he hope that it will get better. The reading gives information about the love between you, is it still there, is there nothing left, who is suffering, what do you wish for. And finally, a partnership reading gives information on how you appear to the outside world. It is exciting to see whether the heart, mind and behaviour fit together – or not. have often seen a partner appear cool or aggressive on the outside, but emotionally it is completely different. How your partner behaves and what they feel don’t have to go together. Knowing this can really be of help for you.
It is good to start with a partnership reading first. That’s the status quo – that’s the relationship at the very moment. Then you can find out in further readings how things will go on, what you want from each other in the future.
I did quite often partnership readings in my practice. And again and again I am amazed at how much the behaviour deviates from the emotions. I often see rude behavior, especially in men, while the heart is very emotional. The cards for women are more likely to show differences between thoughts and emotions. It is definitely exciting and helps to understand the partner.
5. Guidebooks about relationship topics
The market for relationship guides is huge. It doesn’t matter whether you want to approach the topic in a classic, astrological or systemic way. There is sufficient literature on each approach. The guides are for sure helpful. Whether you get exactly the book that is tailored to you is a matter of luck.
Here are a few suggestions:
- The Relationship Cure – A 5-Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships, John Gottman
- The Five Love Languages – The Secret to Love That Lasts, Gary D. Chapman
- Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, John Gray
- Kiss That Frog! 12 Great Ways to Turn Negatives Into Positives in Your Life and Work, Brian Tracy
- Difficult Conversations – How to discuss what matters most, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
- Mindful Relationship Habits – 25 Practices for Couples to Enhance Intimacy, Nurture Closeness, and Grow a Deeper Connection, SJ Scott and Barrie Davenport
- I Love You But I Don’t Trust You -The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship, Mira Kirshenbaum
- Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love, Amir Levine, MD, Rachel SF Heller, M.A
- He’s Just Not That Into You, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
- Vom Jein zum Ja!, Stefanie Stahl
- Liebe und Bindungsangst, Hannah Cuppen
- Tarot für Liebe und Partnerschaft: Wege zu einer harmonischen Beziehung, Eleonore Jacobi
- Wenn Frauen zu sehr lieben – Die heimliche Sucht gebraucht zu werden, Robin Norwood
- Familienstellen und karmische Verstrickungen, Jasmin Schober-Howorka
Which method is right for you
How to decide now, you might ask yourself. Depends. How much time can you invest? Everyday life often makes a fixed weekly appointment impossible. Which path suits you best?
If the partner refuses to talk to strangers about the relationship, then the couple counseling is dropped. This is not a broken leg and, to be honest, understandable.
There are other ways. Family constellations are great, especially when behaviors are adopted. When the partner cannot forgive themselves or the same pattern occurs over and over again.
Horary Astrology and card reading – Have You Thought About That? This gives you information about what your partner thinks and feels and what you yourself think and feel. What is happening at the very moment and how will it continue. If you know what you want and feel and what your partners wants and feels you might understand the situation much better. Since astrology and card reading do not need a long lead time, you can get help quickly.
Brief overview of advantages and disadvantages
+it is not necessary that both partners go to the systemic constellation[l
+]helps very well with adopted behaviors [lb]
–Waiting time until an on-site appointment
–usually takes a whole weekend
– Changing something in someoneelse’s system can be intrusive
+ it helps when both partners communicate openly and honestly
+ fusually works when both go to counseling
–takes a long time (months)
– therefore expensive
+ goes fast
+ gives indications of the present and the future
+ very clear information
+ quick help
+and like Horary Astrology – can be done by one partner
–does not change behavior, but illuminates it
+ goes fast
+involves many areas (influences from parents, friends, relatives, finances …)
+and like Horary Astrology – can be done by one partner
+provides information on future developments
–does not change behavior, but illuminates it
+ wide range
– you might not find the perfect book for your situtation
– not taylormade
–without the presence of an expert (note this is also a drawback)
And the costs
Die Kosten sind je nach Anbieter unterschiedlich. Ich habe dir grob die Kosten zusammengestellt
- Family constellation, one weekend 150 – 250€
- Paarberatung (über Monate) 1.000 – 3.000€
- Beantwortung von Fragen mit der Stundenastrologie 45€ -80€
- Analyse der Situation mit Tarot-, Lenormand-, Kipperkarten 80€
- Beziehungsratgeber 10€ – 40€
What you get out of it
Let’s say Horary astrology tells you that your partner is in a crisis himself, maybe a midlife crisis. And let’s say you know that is about to change. That would be nice. Then the tension drops immediately and you feel better. If you don’t know what to do next, it is worth gold to find out what drives your partner and what you both need. Unfortunately, that is not so easy to determine.
Sometimes it doesn’t work out in the conversation and the partners clash again, as is so often the case. It is much easier to get to the bottom of the problem with esoteric techniques. Be it with family constellations, astrology or card reading. Those who prefer to stick to the classic method, couple counseling, can do that too. Needs more patience, but certainly possible.
It’s a great idea to combine different methods. For example, a preliminary analysis with spiritual couples counselling and then family constellations or classic couple counselling. No matter what you do, taking action is a good step in changing your situation for the better.